the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
