we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
