My friends, they love my intelligence
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
