I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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