Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
