its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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