Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
