does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
