I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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