Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize