we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
