2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
