Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
