I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
