I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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