Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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