Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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