You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
