I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
