I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
