I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
