There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
