There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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