Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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