It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
