Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
