Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
