You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
