Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
