No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
