: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
never play flip cup with pint glasses
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
