tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize