why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
