god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
