dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
