I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
