so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i barfeds in our rink
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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