my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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