Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
