He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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