I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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