dude i'm inner monologue high
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
