woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
