The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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