so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
