my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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