I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
