She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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