I just threw up on my dentist
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
