I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude i'm inner monologue high
he shaved USA in his pubs
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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