I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
