I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize