i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
