oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
