I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize