hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Couch. On fire.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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