At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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