Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
