He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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