Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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