I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize