I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
