Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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