All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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