non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
