I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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