all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
