I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
