i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
