dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
