"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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